Part of Our Path . . .

Chris and I have been asked to speak at a support group for couples dealing with infertility and share our experience . . . this is something that I think most people know that we have had to deal with, although most do not know what it has entailed, but it is something that I can honestly and calmly talk about without wanting to breaking a window (it's tough . . .).
I would like to share a few things that have helped us in our experience, which I in turn hope will help educate friends and family members of those dealing with infertility and those who are accompanied by its trying presence on their path home . . .

Advice to Friends and Family:
- Be careful of the things that you say . . . you honestly have no idea what is going on with a couple no matter "how well you know and love them" or how well informed you have been.
- Chances are every drug and treatment has been suggested to them by someone else . . . they can talk to their Doctor about meds and treatments, diets, herbs, exercises etc . . .
- Don't be offended or judgmental if a couple does not take the expert advice that you gave them either . . . it is between them and they may not feel that what you suggested is best for them
- Half of your neighborhood may have taken chlomed and conceived but it doesn't mean it will work for everyone . . .
- Don't be offended if a couple see's you and runs . . . maybe they have had a little too much support from you and need a little space . . .
 - Don't assume that a couple is selfish if they don't have kids . . . and if they have decided to wait a bit then it is their business . . . don't stress it
- Don't be afraid to share your exciting events with them . . . yes I was thrilled for my sisters and friends when they were pregnant . . . even if I had to cry a bit . . . I still was stoked and never offended
- Pray for them, love them, and be a good support and soft place to land whenever they need you . . . know that they love you and they know that you love them . . .

Advice to Couples:
- Don't cowboy up over it . . . it will just build and can hurt you as a couple . . . get help . . . it is a heavy burden to bare and live with
- Rely on the Lord and your spouse for primary support . . . talk to each other about how you feel . . . even if it is 300 times (a day) . . . it hurts . . . help each other.
- 3 Years ago when I was about to burst at the seams about how bad I felt about everything including unloading my sorrows on my amazing husbands shoulders my Bishop told me to keep sharing with him and let him help me through my grief . . . and to help him as well and to never feel sorry about letting my spouse help and support my through my pain . . . We love that sweet Bishop!!!
- Respect the grief that your spouse is experiencing . . . you may handle it differently from your spouse . . . be a shoulder to cry on . . . each day
- Miscarriages are hard . . . no one else knows how hard it has been for you even if they have experienced them . . . they can also make pregnancy something that you fear . . . and create a whole new dynamic to cope with
- Get help . . . infertility can mean years of crying and depression, it can really mess you up as an individual and a couple . . . which the adversary is pushing for . . . don't let him ruin a happy marriage and eternal family
- Recognize the blessings that you have . . . or acknowledge them until you can gratefully recognize and appreciate them
- Let the suggestions and comments by those around you slide off your back rather than offend you . . . yes things were different 60 years ago when Sister Well-intended was having kids. . .
- You may feel that your spouse is not hurting as much as you or doesn't understand you the way that you want them to . . . the Lord understands you both . . . so rely on both and with your 3 heads and hearts in it you can keep a float and eventually rip through the current to solid ground.
- It was very comforting and healing to read the experiences of other couples who had been through similar trials to us . . . www.lds.org has amazing article and stories that helped me start to heal and continue to do so
- Do what is best for you as a couple! Do all that you can to enjoy the things that will bring you joy together . . . we focus on eternity and the blessings that will still be ours as an eternal family. . .
- For the time being be the best 2 person family in the world! . . . keep up the newly wed bliss . . . and let Heavenly Father take the wheel on the path that he designed for you because he knew that you could navigate the turns and twists of life.